Friday, October 24, 2014

Eastern Europe? Russia? Maybe the Balkans. Yeah, I think it's the Balkans.

As a good freedom loving American, I don't know where Estonia is on a map (it's near Latvia, I think), but apparently that's where the real shit goes down:

If I have to learn geography, then the terrorists win.

Can't... wait... need to... post... now


I'm away from my computer right now so I can't go into the full breakdown that this new product deserves, but I don't want that to stop you from seeing it. Stop whatever you're doing and click the link above. It's that important. 

People suck

The McDonald's of Trail Building.

This article documents another in a long list of reasons why the ROBOTS will be eliminating your species, and soon.

Memory lane

1st GREG MINNAAR Santa Cruz Syndicate 2.41.34
2nd NATHAN RENNIE Santa Cruz Syndicate 2.46.02
3rd GEE ATHERTON Animal Commencal 2.47.00
4th FABIEN BAREL Subaru Mountain Bike Pro 2.47.64
5th CHRIS KOVARIK Chain Reaction Cycles / Intense 2.48.38
6th ANDREW NEETHLING Mongoose 2.48.67
7th STEVE PEAT Santa Cruz Syndicate 2.48.78
8th JARED RANDO Giant 2.49.19
9th BRYN ATKINSON GT Bicycles 2.49.39
10th SAM BLENKINSOP Yeti/Fox 2.50.01

Here are some fun facts I completely forgot about: 
  • Kovarik made it on the podium for the most pedally downhill race of recent memory with flat pedals. That's three Burgtec flat pedal riders in the top ten at the pedaliest race ever.
  • Greg Minnaar won by an unimaginable 4.5 seconds on a sub three-minute track.
  • The Canberra track was almost identical, but over 10 seconds slower in 2008 than at World's in 2009.
  • Sam Hill is nowhere to be found in the top ten, finishing 11th, making his bid for the overall a lot harder. It came down to a points battle with Greg at the next and the final race in Schladming, but with a different venue instead of Canberra, or a different result from Sam at the pedal track, we may have been looking at three back to back to back years of Sam Hill winning the World Cup overall. This was the second to last race of the season in 2008, and it pretty much secured Greg's win, also cementing his place on the Syndicate for, apparently, forever.
  • Lord Bummer smiled one time:

All good things.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Insanely boring

If you were to poll the internet I'd in the minority here, but I find the current prevailing construct for web videos to be insanely boring:

The worst part is this: the Graves video featured above is a best case scenario. It's a video of a good racer, riding cool trails, with good camera work... but it's still almost unwatchable. I was halfway asleep before they showed Graves doing anything remotely creative and cool. Up until the 3:30 mark it was just "dude riding main lines set to slow music and epic b-roll."

Obviously the video is going to getting crazy amounts of views and likes and faves and comments, but I only finished watching it out of a sense of duty and borderline curiosity.

And it's not the rider's fault, either. My complaints are 100% directed at the people in the editing booth. You could take exactly the same footage AND b-roll, and with a different soundtrack and maybe some clips of the rider acting like a normal human being you could have an interesting video that at least remotely resembles an actual mountain bike experience.

Stop making these videos, mountain bike industry. Please make it stop.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Kill me now

If I never hear the word "zone" used in a mountain bike context ever again, I'll be a happy robot.

If there aren't any trails there yet, you can just call it "a hill."

Industry Insider

Another conspiracy afoot, and another pressing issue that needs delving into. Is this a unilateral act by Commencal only, or is Commencal merely a pawn playing out the first move in a greater chess game that is, in fact, an industry wide conspiracy?

We immediately connected with BikeJames about this conspiracy, a meeting of the minds if you will, and he has deferred this hot lead to the investigatory journalists here at THE BOT. Sort of like when the grizzled, time-tested but tired head dog journalist at the paper gives the young up-and-comer a shot at the big time, reluctant but ready to pass the torch to the next generation. Like when Tommy Lee Jones trains Will Smith in MIB, but he's not training his partner, he's really training his replacement.

We won't let you down, James. TEAM ROBOT: you new source for top notch investigatory journalism.

This is pretty much what it's like at ROBOT HQ, except with more strippers and blow.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Industry Insider

Even better than "Special Ed."

The ROBOT apocalypse will be air-powered

Shimano Airlines: a preview of the sound of your impending mechanized doom.

The sound of Chris King ringdrives will also feature heavily in ROBOT armageddon: