Thursday, July 30, 2015

Happy ROBOTS

Bummer time

I went to sleep for a second and when I woke up there were six different chainring standards.


All of this bullshit happened so people could run 28 tooth chainrings. If you can't turn a 30 tooth up a hill maybe you should take up jogging.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Gotta hustle

Just when I thought I'd seen everything the internet has to offer, Ben Furbee went and found this gem:



I like to think the Red Bull prize money paid for a trip to race in Europe or America. Or just beer because they're Aussies.

Team Player



Everyone keeps emailing me the Couscous dustmageddon video to rant about on TEAM ROBOT, hoping that I say something about the slow mo or freeride flicks or whatever, but all I see when I watch the video is a team manager with loads of world-class talent on his team, with brand cachet and careers of their own just waiting to be promoted, and he took the juiciest web-friendly marketing premise and used it to promote himself.


On second thought, this might be a good backup plan for me. I've long said that my dream job is to be a cult leader, but being a mid-pack pro slash "team manager" might be even better. That way I can leverage someone else's talent and speed to get myself free stuff and money. That's almost better than the cult leader plan.

Don't know why this career path didn't occur to me sooner, as this is a story as old as racing: the older/slower/smarter racer-as-team-manager who uses team resources to promote himself. That's all fair and good, mind you, as long as the other better, faster, and more recognizable riders on the team are getting a bigger piece of the limelight, but when was the last time you saw a sick front page Polygon UR video starring Andrew or Mick? Even Tracy hasn't had a good feature role in a UR video since 2014, and this dust video is so girl friendly it's a joke. Forget girls, you could take the UPS driver or the teens behind the counter at your local froyo place out to that dust, give them a bike, and make an entertaining video at 1000 FPS. This is a non-personality based video, with such easy conditions to convey speed you could plug and play with any of your team riders. You could have made this video with the team mechanics and it would have been good.

Maybe they weren't around. Maybe they were busy. Maybe they didn't want to. All of these are possibilities, but those obstacles could be overcome by one iota of effort, a moment's thought, or one plane ticket.

And if any of you say "yeah, but Andrew gets tons of coverage in the UR World Cup vids," you're kidding yourself. No one watches those things. I watched the first fifteen seconds of the Queenstown one, and it felt like I was winning free time back, because I instantly knew I didn't need to bother watching the UR race recaps for the rest of the season.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

TEAM ROBOT Freeride Flick Tutorial


Anything that happens in the red zone is not a freeride flick, it's cornering. It could be good cornering, it could be bad cornering, it could be horrific cornering, it could be a scandiflick or a Voreis or a dust-pile photoshoot apex blowout, but it all lives under the tent we call cornering.

A freeride flick is, by definition, cornering without changing direction. It's the bike equivalent of a Subway Veggie Delite. Or a V6 Mustang. Or soaking.





This is called cornering:




This is also cornering:





This?


Tuesday, July 21, 2015

I'm real happy for you, Neko, and imma let you finish



But DPA kind of sucks. Anyway see you at Snowshoe dude.

We're all pussies



More in the "mountain biking is easy" category.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Optical illusion


"It's a lamp."

"No way dude, it's two women."

"No, you're not seeing it, it's a lamp."

"Dude, it's a woman. I'm telling you, it's definitely not a lamp."




That's what it's like talking to Canadians and snowboarders about freeride flicks:


You either see it or you don't.